hmmmm....

mood: accomplished
good day/bad day: GREAT DAY!

so i havnt written in a few days, but that's ok b/c there hasnt been much to write about...just normal days...wake up...jog...eat breakfast...go to school...first is band, second is botany, third and fourth is dual credit gov't and english, fifth is PALS, lunch, sixth is housing, seventh is accounting, and eighth is ATHLETICS!! whew...and then i go home and be bored b/c i never have homework....

so pretty boring...but today i felt like i did have something worth writing about...

but before you get to reading what i really want to write about...in athletcis today we ran 8 100's and in my group...i got first and lapped a few people....and i felt really good about it b/c i wasnt going my fastest and it was my first semi-sprint all year...EXCITING!! that always pumps me up....and now i feel accomplished....anywho....

yesterday actually, the new casting crowns cd came out...i was listening to it, thinking alot about things i have done in my life, and things that have happened. its kind of a depressing cd but its SOOO good...i highly recommend it. but anywho...i was thinking of a race i had ran about 4 months ago. it still burns inside the very memory, the very feeling of loseing that race...i didnt actually lose, but i lost inside...i didnt get our team to the regional qualifiers....we had gone every year, not one year have we NOT gone...and for some dang reason coach puts me as anchor...something i have NEVER done before. i have ALWAYS been third leg...but for some reason it played out that way. and i still hurt inside....but that also led me to thinking about another issue that is very dear to my heart...
and thats drew. (actually he's probably the only one that reads this..) but as he knows and as many ppl know...i am so broken...so hurt from my past relationship. as much as i would like to think that im getting better and that im really working on really just getting it all pushed back to where it doesnt affect me....its still there burning intensly on my heart. i find myself wondering if someone will really treat me the way i want to be treated or if i should have been treated like that...and if someone hurts me again then its ok. but i know its not. but for some reason i cant bring myself to trust that he would WANT to want to be good to me. i cant imagine someone wanting me for me. its not that im bad or anything, i just dont see how someone would want to...maybe thats how ppl drive away ppl. idk...but i also found myself thinking...well if he doesnt want to talk to me...i guess thats ok...b/c he can do what he wants...i'd just want him to let me know if he's tired of me already...its almost like im expecting it to happen b/c it happened to me SO many times...i would be weird if it didnt happen...but the thing that always gets me is the fact that he is SO sweet to me...it like im in a fairy tale or something...like would God really want me to be the one that gets to be w/ him??? like im not worthy...wouldnt someone that hasnt hurt God as much deserve him...not i...but i guess thats what God wants...i mean im NOT going to complain...its God. i just dont see why God would want to bless me so richly...i dont deserve that. but im loveing every moment i get w/ this wonderful guy! i always find myself on the edge of my seat thinking about him. hmmm...such a good feeling. my mind is still blown at the fact that he wants to talk to me....or it seems like he wants to talk to me....i hate the fact that i always have that doubt. but i guess until the right time it'll be that way. hmmm...i hope he can find it in his heart to deal w/ me....i hope so. ahhh...well ill keep day dreaming and taking it easy...anyone who reads this take it easy as well!! have an awesome rest of the day!!! PEACE LOVE AND COOKIES!!!!!!

The first day of the last year....

mood: relaxed and energetic
good day/bad day: pretty dang good day!!

QUOTES: "It caught on fire, then there were donuts..."
"It's our last first day!!"
"You know a coin with a queen head or something....uhh you mean a quarter.....uhhh ya"

SOOO...my first day of school was rockin'!!
woke up this morning bright and early to the time of 5:15...i can honestly say that it probably wasnt too excited to see my face....but i saw the time! got up and did an ab and calf work out and did my PT work out...then i had a quite time and turned to numbers 7....it was talking about offerings and stuff like that. i thought about how we need to make sacrifices in our own lives and not just like...ok im going to sacrifice my time..but those ppl gave up the very best they had to God...so i thought that i needed to sacrifice my best and glorify God in everything i do....it was deep and really good.
then i get to school...of course like all first days, its a mad house! all the fish are like WHAT DO I DO....AHHH!! and they're all freaking out and such...but i knew what i was doing and i was a girl on a mission....to get my freaking parking permitt...and i did...yaye me!
so first period was band...thats always ok...b/c everyone knows the routine of things...second is Botany...a little dif. lots of reading and its a college class so...the test are going to be tougher...but thats ok b/c i like the teacher..he's really chill. then i have my dual credit courses...here's how it goes down...
MW-govn't and economics.....
TTh-English...
and we dont have class on fridays for some odd reason...but we have blocked schedule so 3 and 4 are college...so i have all my college classes right in a row....but im ok w/ that.

anywho....after that i have PALS...which will be AWESOME!! i love the teacher and the girls in the class...b/c its and all girls class...but not on purpose...it just happened that way...anywho...then i have interior design...again..an all girls class...crazy huh!?! k then i have accounting...which is crazy b/c there are only 4 ppl in that class...me and ashley m..and 2 guys...its going to be so fun this year!! then i have athletics..and thats always good for me!!
i have B lunch w/ the rest of the whole dang school...its never that crowded! but im ok b/c i have a seat and im not sharing this year!! yaye!

So basically that was my first day of school! it was rockin and i think it will be really good....hardly any homework (except for college assignments) and lots of fun!! i hope yall have an awesome day!! tootles! PEACE!

Closing the door...

mood: REALLY tired...and excited...but mostly tired...
good day/bad day: perdy good...

So today is the closer of my summer 2007. i've alread talked alot about what my summer was like and what i look forward to doing this next year.

but today really hit home for me...knowing im about to start the old high school routine of things and being busy, stressed, excited, mad, and happy all at the same time again. OH what fun..

being at lifeteam tonight really helped to get ready. eventhough nothing we talked about had to do w/ anything im about to go through or anything like that...it just put me at ease.
just talking w/ my family and acting like a family...knowing there is this very special group of ppl there for me and to help me through anything i need help w/. they are ppl i can trust.

such a good feeling.

anywho...while at lifeteam...we do act just like a family....so lots of jokes and great things like that go on....my favorite quote from tonight was.."Drew vs. corporate America" HAHA if you have questions about that one...ill tell you all about it if you ask...hehe...it was REALLY funny...but i guess you also have to know drew to get it...so it may not be as funny to you...but i got a BIG laugh out of it...

anywho...about my day as a whole...started out this morning working in the nursery for 4 hours...i really do love it there...but not for that long when you have 6 crying babies by yourself it just doesnt work. but i had alot of fun..as i always do and i didnt fall asleep on the job...and thats the important thing...eventhough i put one precious baby to sleep..and i was just sitting there rocking....so relaxing...but i didnt go to sleep.
so a gold star for me! anywho..after that i had to go to a brazil meeting we were having and i sat in for a few then went home and took a 2 hour nap....IT WAS WONDERFUL!! omg it was great...then of course got up and went to the best place in the world...lifeteam...its was sooo good...just fellowshiping and taking communion w/ my family...its was soo good. i loved and will always love it...mmmm

...sigh...lots of emotional ups and downs today...its crazy what emotions can do to your soul...they just wear you out!! wow...im exausted. i guess just a few things are really getting to me...school and all that come w/...like stress...not being able to talk to the best guy on earth...band..grrr...homework...everything...
and of course my who love life situation....its so good...but its very bitter sweet...mostly good though..ahhh...very good.

anywho...im way super tired...so im going...tootles!!

my boring saturday...

mood: stressed and tired
good day/bad day: ehhh...

So today is sat. and i got the best wake up call ever! woke up around 8 something to the sound of "better than me" playing in my ear. my initial thought was....thats not my alarm tone...then i was like...OH MY GOODNESS! ITS SAMMI!! sammi ball called me at like 8:15 this morning and wanted to talk...i was like are you ok? this is really abnormal...she just doesnt do that...but she wanted to talk and she ended up coming over later on...but i was like WHOA! is was crazy...

most of the day i just chilled at my house...but i think the highlight...besides drew calling me on his lunch break...was watching 'beauty and the beast' I FREAKING LOVE THAT MOVIE!! wow i love that movie so much....not just b/c its a good ol' kids movie but its a love movie...its soooo sweet! love it love it love it!!

so after i chilled around my house... my mother, my sister and i all went into abilene and just hung out and picked up some last min. stuff for school. but thats not the moral of this story...
while out wondering around the store...my sister (which this story is about) decides to get in one of her 'i feel like being selfish and difficult and make everyone's life a liveing hell' (s'cuse the french) kind of moods...
so my mom was asking her what she would like to get for her lunches...but to quote her she said "beth was do you want for lunch" but beth being the snob she was being said...it what i need for lunch not what i want....b/c that makes me sound selfish....so we're like ok...what do you need...and she got SOO mad that my mom used the wrong word and she got in a HUGE argument and it was really bad...but that just explains how mad my sis can get....but that went on and my mom straight up told her that she was tired of it...and that didnt go over too well either...so i had to jump in and calm them both down...wow that wasnt easy.

so thats that...

and its really super late and im about to start talking to drew....so ill go now...PEACE OUT!!

Fettachinii is SOO good...

So this afternoon, me and sammi went out and shopped for clothes for school...that was fun! but of course if was fun b/c we're girls and girls do that....but then we went to Arby's. OH MY GOODNESS...they're food is soo good. i cant get over it. or maybe i just REALLY like their curly fries...idk but seriously i highly recommend it. its soo good. i've heard that alot of ppl dont like it...which is weird b/c what is there not to like about fries, milkshakes and soda's ????

but anywho,

After we got back, we stopped by her house and she got a few things she needed for work and i got a formal dress that i was going to try on. its gorgeous by the way...but maybe not so much on me...hmm idk. maybe ill let you decide...i took a pic, just so i could see the whole thing...its not too bad i guess...but whatever. anyway, we got back to my house and just chilled she swiched phones and i got on the computer for awhile. when she was finally done w/ that, she went to work and i laid down and took a nap...oh my goodness, naps are amazing....i love them! but when i woke up...my house was completely empty, which was kinda creepy, so i called mom up and was like...dude where are you? and she was like...umm cleaning out the stand for the games...i have beth and dads in san antonio...i was like...oh. hehe....well anyway this is all pointless info that no one needs to know...but i figured for the record i'd write what i did on my last friday of summer 2007....thats great...

BUT...

on a more important note...i've been thinking alot about this upcoming school year and about drew...hmm that not really abnormal, but specific things about this specific dude...but first about the year...

so im a senior...finally! WHOO HOO!! i think im going to have an awesome year! but i think my homework load just tripled and i think im going to busier than i EVER have before...

for starters im in marching band and that takes alot of time from the weekends and on tuesdays...b/c we have to go to all the football games and we have marching contest...so thats that...and also in the fall i do fall production, so ill have theatre to pack into my busy schedule. at least i dont do a sport in the fall...i used to do basketballl...but NO WAY! that sport is NOT for me...anywho...so 3 college classes, marching band, and theatre for the first semester..

second semester...hmmm...well OBVIOUSLY track...thats a biggie...and that will take most of my time especially when the season actually starts. and ill have theatre again...for OAP and all the senior stuff that goes on before graduation...also all this on top of 3 college classes. so the spring is usually the busiest so i've got some time to work up some stress relievers.

but also, this is just school, i also have church and family and friends...i hate to say that i have to schedule my family and friends in...but i kind of do or i wont have anytime for them...and that sucks!

So...

im deciding im going to set some goals for myself this year...

*being healthy....not only in working out, but in eating and drinking...more carbs less fat, more water!!

*getting up in the morning and running for like 5-10 min. and having a quite time. just to be w/ God and think about the day and to just relax.

*having a set time to come home and do homework....i know that sounds retarded..but you've got to get in the habbit...or ill never do it...im a BIG procrastinator..

*i want to really strive to be Jesus to everyone. i've really thought about that this summer...and i think that if i really work on that then ill become closer to him...and i wont have quite so many ppl hate me. ;)

*i want to budget...that something im NOT good at at all...and i really need to start working on that BEFORE i get to college...that would be a really good thing....so im really going to strive to do that.

*i want to make all A's in all my college classes...i almost did last year, and it KILLED me to know that i almost did but i didnt...you know....so i want to do it this year FOR SURE!

*have the best track season yet! i had a pretty stinking good one my soph. year but i want to really strive to do better this year...i think the whole diet and running thing will help alot w/ that one...

*i want to really be totally and COMPLETELY honest w/ EVERYONE this year...im usually good at that. im one to hide things..mostly b/c i dont have much to hide but i just really want ace that concept.

so there are 8 of them...and im sure there are more....but these are the ones i REALLY REALLY want to strive for and succeed at. that would rock my world if i could do all of these...and im going to pray that God will help to do so. i just have to keep myself accountable.


SO...whoever you are reading this...you should get back to doing more important things...like your life or something. anywho...sorry for taking up your time...have an awesome day!! PEACE!!

The last friday of summer...

So today is the last friday of my summer 2007.

It really has been an amazing summer. One of the best i think. But to kick off the morning...well EARLY this morning i talked to drew. i think i got off the phone at like 2...so it was an early good morning...good night kind of thing. but anywho...at about 9:45 i got up and went for a jog. it was amazing. usually i dont go by myself, but this morning God was telling to get out there and just be at peace and get a work out at the same time. so i did. it was gorgeous out side and it wasnt really hot yet so the temp was perfect. but just being outside and getting fresh air and being at peace w/ everything and just having time to myself was really good, on top of doing something i love, and thats running. but anywho, i got back all sweaty and nasty so i took a shower...those are always good. and after that i sat down at the comp and im still sitting here. but i did take a break to go see if i could go get my parking permitt. but that didnt happen. but whatev. OH...and sammi is here! she stayed the night last night...and we just chilled, and she's still sleeping...hehe. i find that quite amusing. idk why...but for the rest of the day idk whats going to happen..i dont really have anything planned...but who knows...not me.

anyway...

about my summer....
its been such a good summer...even though i havnt had the greatest things happen to me, its just been very eventful and good. just genuinely good. i know that God has blessed me w/ many things, but this summer he has just showered me w/ all sorts of great things....k so here is my list...

*Kadesh and all that came w/ it...
-finding my identity
-finding a REALLY good friend (Drew)
-finding the courage to show my true feelings to justin.
-becoming closer to God

* Mexico!!
-blessing us w/ safe travel
-blessing us w/ really good ppl to take care of us and really good hotel and food
-blessing our worksite and the attitudes of all the teens that went
-and helpig me find God in the little things

*Nightly convo's w/ Drew
-deep
-no awkward conversation
-we are the same person...
-finding out that there is someone out there that wont treat me like trash even if it is over the phone. i know deep down that he means it and he's not just charming me for the 'fling'
-totally haveing awesome random convos and not not talking...if that makes sense...
-there is alot more that i could write on this one...but ill save that for a rainy day.

*AUSTRALIA & NEW ZEALAND!!
-its amazing! finding out that God has created this earth for his pleasure, makes me happy.
-seeing Gods glory through everything we can take for granted.
-thanking my parents for taking me...that was basically my bday present...
-it was just an amazing experience and i cant really discribe specifically how it was awesome...but the whole thing was awesome!

*random trips and seeing ppl
-san antonio, drew came down to see me and it was awesome!!
-running w/ ashley all summer
-having close friends i can go to to talk about stuff w/
-and all the awesome things that come along w/ turning 18...

thats definatly not everything...but thats a good chunk. i really have had an amazing and blessed summer....why God has blessed me so much i dont know, but i will definalty thank him and accept his blessnig willingly...other than having an amazing family and awesome friends to help w/ my hectic life...
its good.

so school starts in 2 days...im excited and scared at the same time...i want to have fun and go into my senior year pumped and ready to go...but i dont want all the stress and homework that comes along w/ it. grrr....
but i guess thats ok...b/c that part of life. i cant wait to get the year over w/ though b/c i know that im ready for college...that really exciting....but anywho...this is really long and boring probably so ill write later...PEACE!!

P.S. DREW!! i didnt center it just for you!! (your probably the only one that reads this anyway...)

HONEY IM HOME!!!

well i just got back from a football scrimmage, but before that i think i took the shortest trip to san antonio EVER...it was like 28 hours or something like that...it was crazy! but anywho....
the events of the trip and game...
we left early wed. morning and drove straight to san antonio. upon getting there we stopped by where my papaw is staying in rehab...and my mom talked to the social worker about the current situation and got some questions answered...then we drove to my grandparents house and chilled there for a little while. its was cool. after that we jetted over to the rehab center again to pick up my papaw so we could take him out to a legal office to get somethings taken care of...but on the say to actually getting to the door we had a little problem and he fell...it was really scary! but we made it through and got everyone there and back safly and alive. when we finally got back to the rehab center we chilled there for like 2 hours and i took a nap...but that normal for me. and to top the day off my nana took us out to this REALLY good italian resturant and went shopping. you know the girl side of life...eating and shopping. anywho, that night we chilled and i got to talk to drew....yeah...and then i went to sleep which is always good. this morning i got out of bed at like 1130...it was awesome! and went to say goodbye to papaw and headed back home. my sister had to be home by 630 b/c she had meet the teacher. and i, being the great clyde bulldog football fan that i am, went to the scrimmage w/ my bestie sammi. i actually didnt watch too much of the game b/c there were SO many people there that i hadnt seen in forever so i spent all my time talking to half of the people in the stands. that was great fun. after the scrimmage was over me and sammi jetted on over the thrifty's and hung out w/ her mom for awhile and some more people came in and i said hi and talked it up for awhile...so basically today i was VERY social...it was awesome!! so i hope the couple of days have been really good for anywho who might possibly bored enough to really all this! anywho...i guess ill meet you here later! PEACE!!

here we go!!

GOOD MORNING! pb&j has got to be one of the best things to eat...YUMMY!!

so today me and my sister and my mother are off to San Antonio. whoo hoo...im not exactly ecstatic about the trip but i guess it will give me something to do for a couple of days.

My papaw has been stuggling w/ parkinsons disease for quite a long time, and its just now starting to flare. so he's having to go through alot of therapy and required alot of extra care and attention. but his rehab has just recently expired so he's having to move back home w/ my nana...which isnt good at all considering she's just as old w/ just as many problems and probably wont be able to take care of him like he really needs to be taken care of. it breaks my heart to see my nana want somthing so bad, but know that she physically cant handle the situation. but anywho, me and the female side of the gang at our house are going for a day or so to see if there is anything we can do to better the situation.

so ill be back in a couple of days to tell you all about it...have an awesome day! (or couple of days ;) )

PEACE!

new-ness

so i decided to make a blog, for my senior year. i think it would be really cool just to blog my feelings and what all went down my senior year and be able to look back on it and be like wow that was cool or wow that was boring, or wow...i had no life. or something like that. so i hope anyone who reads this will enjoy my sense of humor and have a laugh...

anywho...i hope yall have an awesome and blessed day!!