hmmmm....

mood: accomplished
good day/bad day: GREAT DAY!

so i havnt written in a few days, but that's ok b/c there hasnt been much to write about...just normal days...wake up...jog...eat breakfast...go to school...first is band, second is botany, third and fourth is dual credit gov't and english, fifth is PALS, lunch, sixth is housing, seventh is accounting, and eighth is ATHLETICS!! whew...and then i go home and be bored b/c i never have homework....

so pretty boring...but today i felt like i did have something worth writing about...

but before you get to reading what i really want to write about...in athletcis today we ran 8 100's and in my group...i got first and lapped a few people....and i felt really good about it b/c i wasnt going my fastest and it was my first semi-sprint all year...EXCITING!! that always pumps me up....and now i feel accomplished....anywho....

yesterday actually, the new casting crowns cd came out...i was listening to it, thinking alot about things i have done in my life, and things that have happened. its kind of a depressing cd but its SOOO good...i highly recommend it. but anywho...i was thinking of a race i had ran about 4 months ago. it still burns inside the very memory, the very feeling of loseing that race...i didnt actually lose, but i lost inside...i didnt get our team to the regional qualifiers....we had gone every year, not one year have we NOT gone...and for some dang reason coach puts me as anchor...something i have NEVER done before. i have ALWAYS been third leg...but for some reason it played out that way. and i still hurt inside....but that also led me to thinking about another issue that is very dear to my heart...
and thats drew. (actually he's probably the only one that reads this..) but as he knows and as many ppl know...i am so broken...so hurt from my past relationship. as much as i would like to think that im getting better and that im really working on really just getting it all pushed back to where it doesnt affect me....its still there burning intensly on my heart. i find myself wondering if someone will really treat me the way i want to be treated or if i should have been treated like that...and if someone hurts me again then its ok. but i know its not. but for some reason i cant bring myself to trust that he would WANT to want to be good to me. i cant imagine someone wanting me for me. its not that im bad or anything, i just dont see how someone would want to...maybe thats how ppl drive away ppl. idk...but i also found myself thinking...well if he doesnt want to talk to me...i guess thats ok...b/c he can do what he wants...i'd just want him to let me know if he's tired of me already...its almost like im expecting it to happen b/c it happened to me SO many times...i would be weird if it didnt happen...but the thing that always gets me is the fact that he is SO sweet to me...it like im in a fairy tale or something...like would God really want me to be the one that gets to be w/ him??? like im not worthy...wouldnt someone that hasnt hurt God as much deserve him...not i...but i guess thats what God wants...i mean im NOT going to complain...its God. i just dont see why God would want to bless me so richly...i dont deserve that. but im loveing every moment i get w/ this wonderful guy! i always find myself on the edge of my seat thinking about him. hmmm...such a good feeling. my mind is still blown at the fact that he wants to talk to me....or it seems like he wants to talk to me....i hate the fact that i always have that doubt. but i guess until the right time it'll be that way. hmmm...i hope he can find it in his heart to deal w/ me....i hope so. ahhh...well ill keep day dreaming and taking it easy...anyone who reads this take it easy as well!! have an awesome rest of the day!!! PEACE LOVE AND COOKIES!!!!!!